The Absolute Brilliance of 'Both Sides Now'

How one song can capture so much, especially in the oncology unit

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There is power in music. There is power in songs. Especially when we use songs as a means of reflecting. Songs can give us many things. Songs can be empowering, and songs can be reflective. When we are feeling off, anxious, out of sorts, and don’t know why, sometimes we hear a song and think, “That’s it. That song is exactly what I’m feeling.” Perhaps it’s the lyrics. Maybe it’s the music. But there is something that we connect with. There’s something that helps us experience and understand what we are feeling inside. Also, the song provides validation. And the song provides empathy. When we are struggling, there can be profound power found in a simple song.

There are many great songs that can provide reflection, validation, empathy, and solace. And then there is Both Sides Now by Joni Mitchell.

I’ve listened to, played, sang, and analyzed the lyrics of Both Sides Now in hospital rooms and music therapy groups hundreds of times. And every time I find something new. Some new insight. A new thought or idea. A new reflection. A new feeling. And I’m sure this will go on until the end of time.

Both Sides Now was written in 1967 and released in 1969 on Joni Mitchell’s album ‘Clouds’. [Although, an early version of the song by Judy Collins appeared on the singles charts in 1968. It has since been recorded by dozens of artists.] Joni Mitchell has said that Both Sides Now was inspired by a passage in Henderson The Rain King, a 1959 novel by Saul Bellow:

“I was reading Henderson The Rain King on a plane and early in the book Henderson is also up in a plane. He’s on his way to Africa and he looks down and sees these clouds. I put down the book, looked out the window and saw clouds too, and I immediately started writing the song. I had no idea that the song would become as popular as it did”.

What makes this song so poignant, and so iconic, is that the song somehow captures the universal experience of gaining wisdom through life experience; using clouds and love and life as metaphors for this journey. There’s loss of innocence, the complexity of love, the mystery of existence, and resolved wisdom. It seems to capture that moment when we realize life isn’t the fairy tale we imagined, however it does so with grace rather than cynicism. It’s very ‘matter of fact’. That along with its musical simplicity seems to give it it’s power. Oh… Joni Mitchell was just 23 years old when she wrote it.

[A close second for me (or maybe 1.B) is The Beatles’ In My Life, which John Lennon wrote when he was just 25 years old. Again, presenting the wisdom and poignancy of someone who has seemingly lived and experienced a full life of reflection.]

Both Sides Now is timeless; it’s a song that we can all relate to in our own way. And perhaps, is the perfect song to use for reflection with someone who is working their way through a cancer journey.

I happened to play this song recently at one of the hospitals where I work as a music therapist. I was working with a woman, in her 70s, in the oncology unit. She was fatigued by treatment and feeling a bit defeated, but welcomed me into her room. I was asked to visit with her to offer emotional support because she had some hard decisions to make. Her doctors were now suggesting moving towards a more ‘palliative’ treatment approach.

In our chat she was reflective, mainly about her life; mentioning her family and the memories that she holds onto. But also wondering if they were going to be okay. Thinking about what it may be like when she is gone. She was also struggling with her sense of self—trying to connect her former self (young and healthy) to her current self (cancer patient). Something many of those with cancer seem to struggle with. After a pause in the conversation, I said that I had a song that I would like to play for her.

As she was listening, she looked pensive. And she became tearful. When the song finished, after a pause she said, “I’ve looked at life from both sides now. Well… here I am.” I gave her some space to reflect. Then she said, “Wow… that song really brings it out. That is truly what I’m struggling with, both sides... feeling like I’m on both sides, or trying to be on one side? I don’t know. Maybe I need both sides? Maybe that’s the point. Maybe all of it is what I am or what I have to embrace.”

We chatted a bit more, about her life, the happy times that she could reflect upon. And also thinking about working towards some sort of resolve. Not giving in. Accepting.

As I was packing up to leave, she looked at me and gave a soft smile. “Thank you. Maybe it doesn’t have to be just one thing. Maybe I can sleep easy tonight.”

“I’ve looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It’s life’s illusions I recall
I really don’t know life at all…”

The healing power of music…

(*The stories presented in this blog are based on accounts or experiences and are not actual accounts or experiences.)

What song, or songs, strike you differently, perhaps on a higher level? What song, or songs, do you go to for reflection and comfort? Please let me know in the comments below. I love hearing from you.

Raymond Leone, MMT, MT-BC is a board-certified music therapist based in Northern Virginia and writes extensively about music and wellness.

Did you know that if you hit the heart at the top or the bottom of this email you will make my day and it will make it easier for others to find this publication. Thanks!