Emotion… Music… (Smiles and Tears)

Music prompts emotion. Music is emotion.

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Music prompts emotion. Music is emotion. Read on…

One of the challenges of my job as a music therapist working in a medical setting is that there is ‘emotion’ involved in every aspect of sharing music with those who are sick and in the hospital. Just being hospitalized, for whatever reason, and the challenges involved, brings up a lot of emotions. And when you add music… those emotions get heightened ten-fold.

“Music is part of being human. Music, uniquely among the arts, is both completely abstract and profoundly emotional. It has no power to represent anything particular or external, but it has a unique power to express inner states or feelings. Music can pierce the heart directly; it needs no mediation.” Oliver Sacks

The emotional experiences of sharing music in the hospital runs the spectrum from joy and happiness to reflection and sadness. On any given day I work within that spectrum. It seems as though there are either smiles or tears (and sometimes both). When I walk into a room to meet a patient, to help them work through whatever they are trying to overcome or process, I never know where the emotion is going to go. I do know that there will be emotion, but I can’t prepare for anything specific. It still amazes me how music—once music is introduced—emotion starts to flow. Sometimes it’s a smile. Many times, it’s tears.

A typical scenario that happened very recently – I went to visit a middle-aged gentleman who was recently admitted to the hospital because of pain. He just found out that his cancer was now spreading to other parts of his body. I was asked to see him because he was having difficulty in processing it all. He smiled when we met and introduced me to his wife. They were both very pleasant and welcoming. After some initial conversation and music was introduced, he became emotional (tears). His wife, immediately went to the bed and took his hand, also unable to control her own emotions, as they seemed to use the music for both tension release and reflection. Music prompted their emotions.

Or

Later in the same day I went to visit an older woman who was in the hospital after a fall. I was asked to see her because she was really down, barely talking or eating. She apprehensively shook her head “yes” when I asked if I could play something for her. Midway through Blue Moon, her face slowly brightened into a beautiful smile. And as we sat together through more music, she shared some memories about her family and reminisced about growing up… and her smile never left. When we finished, she said, “That made my day.” Music prompted her emotions.

Sharing music, especially with those who are sick, in pain, working through treatment, needing help breathing from a ventilator, recently diagnosed with cancer, also creates an incredible connection—a connection between the patient, the music, and me. A lot of the music that I provide is based on ‘feelings’; feelings that I get, observe and then either reflect back in the music or use the music to help move them to another place. (From pain to comfort… anxiety to relaxation… resisting to accepting.) I often feel the music is flowing through me, like I’m a conduit of the emotional outlet or expression that is percolating in them and sometimes explodes. I’m a mirror. I’m a sponge. I’m a punching bag. I’m a friend. I’m a vehicle that they use to work through the emotion… all within the music. It’s very intimate and a part of me ‘becomes’ part of them in the moment.

And in sharing and being a part of it all, I always need to reset myself after I finish and leave the room. It can be a whirlwind of emotions for me as well as the smiles (having provided some beauty and comfort) feels so good, and the tears (seeing such physical pain or emotional distress), feels so bad. Some days I manage it with ease but other days it’s hard to ‘let it all go.’ [I do have my self-care ‘tools’ to help me ‘let it go’, whether it’s journaling, sitting in meditation, or going to the gym for an intense workout. And yes, I also listen to music. Sometimes I need a Chopin nocturne and sometimes I need Metallica. It all depends on the emotion.] And I have generally become pretty good at ultimately letting it go. You have to. However, sometimes, when I least expect it, I will hear a song that I shared intimately with someone as they were reflecting on their life, or were using to process the finality of it all, a meaningful song, and out of nowhere, without warning, it just puts me right back in that emotional space. That’s what music does. Like the time I was at Target and suddenly, I Only Want To Be With You (Dusty Springfield) came on overhead and without warning I unexpectedly burst into tears…

You see, I had immediately thought of *Linda. I had worked with Linda for several weeks when she was in the oncology unit with a terminal cancer. But Linda was generally upbeat and putting on a good face. Yes, towards the end, when the pain was too much, it was harder for her, but this was ‘her song’. It was her song to “just make me feel good about life and everything that I have.” We would sing it together every time I saw her, and she would laugh and dance in her bed, shaking off the pain and just enjoying the moment of being alive. The last time I played it for her, though, she was non-respondent and when I left her room that day, I knew I would not see her again. I remember thinking how unfair it seemed that someone who was so positive and upbeat, full of life, got theirs randomly cut off way too short. And that fateful day in Target? Well… Music is emotion and music brings you right back to someone, or a place, or a memory. And in that moment, music brought me right back to Linda.

But there is also comfort. Comfort in knowing that I did have the privilege of spending some time with her, perhaps helping to bring a little joy and healing even when she was hurting and dealing with it all. And I do remember her laugh the most; the way she danced in the bed. But it’s not fair. It’s not fair that I will never be able to hear that song again without thinking of her. (Again… that’s what music does.)

Music prompts emotion. Music is emotion. Music brings up emotion, emotion that may be deep-seated and often times needs to come out. My job is basically sharing and working within the emotion, helping them experience, manage and release the emotion within the music experiences that we share. All within the spectrum of smiles and tears. And I am truly amazed everyday how music can just bring it all out, usually unexpectedly, always right on cue. And always what may be needed in the moment.

The healing power of music…

(*The stories presented in this blog are based on accounts and experiences and are not actual accounts or experiences.)

Raymond Leone, MMT, MT-BC is a board-certified music therapist and the director of Medical Music Therapy at A Place To Be in Northern Virginia