A Song For Resolve (THE Song For Resolve)
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“There are places I’ll remember, all my life though some have changed. Some forever, not for better, some have gone and some remain…”
In My Life has become my favorite Beatles’ song, which is certainly not an easy declaration. I’ve played and sang this song hundreds of times, now mainly in my work as a music therapist working in medical settings. Written by John Lennon (although credited to Lennon-McCartney), In My Life first appeared on the ‘Rubber Soul’ album, released in 1965. John Lennon has said of the song that it was his “first real major piece of work” as it was the first time he penned “personal lyrics” about his own life. Many reports suggest that he wrote the framework of the song while riding a bus through his hometown of Liverpool, reflecting on when life was simpler. ‘Beatlemania’ had recently exploded and life for John and his bandmates would never be the same.
Personally, I find In My Life amazingly profound, filled with so much perspective and wisdom. A reflection on a full-life experience—of what once was and reminiscing about those who had an impact in shaping one’s life. Perhaps even now pondering mortality… In my life I’ve loved them all. John Lennon was 25 years old when this song was released. The lyrical mastery of the Beatles continues to amaze me, especially considering that they were in their 20s when they wrote the bulk of their work.
In music therapy, we often use songs as an outlet, or vehicle, for reflection. Songs can speak for us when we can’t find the words to describe how we are feeling. We also use songs as a means to help with resolve. Songs can help us reflect on where we’ve been and where we are going. When working in oncology, I’m often referred to see patients when nursing staff feel as though there is not much else that they can do. When they feel as though their hands are tied and something else is needed on a more emotionally supported level. This includes patients who may have just gotten some life-changing news to consider, such as when the medical staff is recommending discontinuing treatment because it’s no longer working, or when it’s time to consider moving to hospice care. This can be such a profound moment for someone to process. Music therapy can help one process these sudden new emotions and feelings. Music therapy can also help with resolve. Songs can help with resolve. In My Life may be the perfect song to help with resolve.
Not long ago, I was asked to visit with a woman, in her early 60s, who, after recommendations by her doctors, just made the decision to discontinue treatment for her cancer. When I entered her room, she was sitting quietly, appeared extremely tired, and was just staring off, seemingly in thought. She also looked oddly peaceful. At first, she didn’t notice me come into the room. Then, after a moment, she came out of her trance and looked at me. Her face softened a bit and she softly said, “Oh… hello.” I introduced myself, told her the nursing staff asked me to visit and I asked if she minded if I sit down. She gestured to the open chair. After a few moments of silence, I asked, “How are you doing?” She looked at me and I could see that she was really pondering the question. Finally, “I’m… okay.” There was both a sense of being unsure and sure at the same time. I gave her some space, and just sat with her for a few moments in silence. Then she said, “I don’t really know what I’m feeling. But I don’t really feel sad. At least not for me. I do worry about others…” More silence. “I really can’t go on like this anymore. I’m so tired. But…” I said, “I’m sure there is a lot to process.” More silence. She suddenly looked a bit uncertain about everything, but then she said. “I’ve had a good life. I really have. I have a good family… friends… I just can’t…” There was more silence. Fortunately for me, when the words become harder to find, I have music. “Can I do something? Can I play a song for you?” “Sure,” she said. “That would be nice.”
After the song, her face was soft. She looked calm and she looked peaceful. Now, don’t get me wrong, there certainly would be a lot more processing and emotion to come, but for that moment, she seemed at peace. We again sat in silence. She again said, “I’ve had a good life… pause… I’m… okay.” She looked at me and gave a soft smile. And I could see in her eyes that she really was ultimately going to be ‘okay’. Music seemed to help in this moment. A song, a meaningful, profound song, seemed to help. And perhaps this song will help her navigate all of the emotions that were still to come. Will give her some comfort. Some resolve.
When there is no more room for words, when we are unsure of what we are feeling, music can help. Music cannot change outcomes, but music can help. Music cannot take away her cancer, but music can help bring moments of peace. Music can help give clarity. And music can help with resolve.
After all, when there is nothing else left, we still have music.
In My Life (Lennon-McCartney)
There are places I’ll remember
All my life though some have changed
Some forever, not for better
Some have gone and some remain
All these places have their moments
With lovers and friends I still can recall
Some are dead and some are living
In my life I’ve loved them all
But of all these friends and lovers
There is no one compares with you
And these memories lose their meaning
When I think of love as something new
Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
Though I know I’ll never lose affection
For people and things that went before
I know I’ll often stop and think about them
In my life I love you more
In my life I love you more
What song is THE song for you? What song helps you when you need more than words to think about and process things? Let me know in the comments below. I love hearing from you.
The healing power of music…
(*The stories presented in this blog are based on accounts or experiences and are not actual accounts or experiences.)
Raymond Leone, MMT, MT-BC is a board-certified music therapist based in Northern Virginia and writes extensively about music and wellness.